the story of my life...

at the "House of Four Felines"

(no subject)
family
marleychloesmum

the autobiography of my life in five short chapters...

Chapter One

I walk down the street

...There is a deep hole in the side walk

...I fall in

...I am lost...I am helpless

......It isn’t my fault

...It takes forever to find a way out

 

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street

...There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

...I pretend I don’t see it

...I fall in again

...I can’t believe I am in the same place

......But it isn’t my fault

...It still takes a long time to get out.

 

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street

...There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

...I see it is there

...I still fall in...it’s a habit

......My eyes are open

......I know where I am

......It is my fault

...I get out immediately

 

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street

...There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

...I walk around it

 

Chapter Five

I walk down another street




 



correspondence
family
marleychloesmum

this is TOOL ~SOBER
then i got to looking at some of Maynards other stuff...like the one he wrote about his mother Judith...who died of cancer and was very religious and Maynard couldn't understand her strong conviction
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFJwwW2zgps    YouTube wont let me imbed this...but this is Judith by A Perfect Circle

but the lyrics in this resonated with me
this is 46&2 by TOOL..this is live..and ya..thats Maynard..ever the showman..'shaman'?

i like the little interview with him afterwards..



"My shadow's

Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in

My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within

My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.

See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me."
 

.
if you think about it...psychotherapy is kinda like 'picking at the scabs''  my doc has used this reference with me before...'wouldn't it be better not to pick the scab'
and the 'shadow'....our shadow is what is chasing us everyday...some people cant sit with their shadows and they try and run from them..like i tried to...i couldnt stand my shadow....
but now its like he's "shedding his skin" so to speak and trying to change..he wants to change " by stepping through my shadow, coming out the other side"...holy shit i cried when i read that...wow..it just makes so much sense


rev 22:20

today was the best day EVER!!
family
marleychloesmum

Why you ask? Because i found my ring thats been missing for 237days [as well as my necklace but now i have hope! ] you have no idea how much i cried AND prayed that i would find my ring! i had gotten high one night [relapsed] back in March, i was really missing my mom and i was really bummed out, and i thought getting high would help..and it totally didn't.. and not only that, i didn't want her to see me like that..and i haven't used again since! i thought my ring and necklace were together and that i had accidentally thrown them out while cleaning up...the necklace is 3 hearts inside one heart with engraving about daughtgers all around the edge..its the last Christmas gift i got from my mom and dad while my mom was still alive, which is why it means so much to me..and my ring i got when i was 15yrs old..and through everything i've been through in my life i've always worn that ring...it somehow meant to me that i actually meant something..that i mattered...so you can imagine how happy i was to find it again..sitting in a drawer in the coffee table that i go into everyday! unfreakingbelievable!
on another wonderful note..i got my tattoo done on Friday night!! i FREAKING LOOOOOVE IT!!!!!!!
Here's the before pic...the original idea..i basically just took a pic of my plain arm and uploaded it to piknikand then started trying different fonts out...i looked at soooo many fonts that it started to  not look right! and because i have a bracelet tattoo already..i wanted it to kinda match..so here's the finished product;.it is just so beyond awesome and it turned out waaay better than i thought it would! i love all the scrolly stuff..but around the elbow part really really hurt! but i am so pleased with it...
i didnt get home until around 11pm on fri night so i just slept with the covering he put on it and took it off when i got up and gave it a good wash with some mild soap and i'm keeping it lotioned...soo happy!
yesterday was pretty chill...just hung out and watched movies with Bill
Tomorrow is Voting Day...



Monday October the the 18th ~2010
family
marleychloesmum

It’s a drearyish sort of day..it looks kinda gloomy out..

And today is day 4 of my CHAMPIX..  www.champixinfo.co.uk/  ..i started it on Friday and today is the day i start taking 2 .5mg morning and night..the first 3 days was just .5mgs in the am...days 4-7 is 2 .5mgs..then days 8-14 is 2 1mg ....but they make me kinda feel dizzy, idk, it doesn’t last forever but it is kind of annoying..but if it’ll help me quit smoking it’s a small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things i guess..
Yesterday my dad, from Windsor, came to visit Sam and I..it was a nice visit albeit kinda quick..he brought up a really nice shelf for the kitchen window and i bought some really nice brackets and he put it up for me yesterday for my plants..it looks awesome!

 i am super pleased with it! thanks Dad!
here's a pic of Sam and my Dad two of my favorite people!! I love my dads smile and my boy is growing up to be so handsome!
and here's my two favorite animals!; my Marley and Chloe! they make my heart smile!

There's not much else to report..Friday I get my new tattoo..will post pics next weekend...until then, be kind to yourself...and each other...



Welcome to Day 10/10/10!
family
marleychloesmum
Welcome to Day 10/10/10! How to Interpret 10/10/10 aka 10-10-10; Sunday, October 10, 2010. And a Metaphysics Experiment.



10/10/10; Sunday, October 10, 2010: Introduction

Welcome random search engine visitor. Many philosophies believe that you somehow ended up on this page for a reason. It is not known if it is the result of predestination, random chance, fate, a higher power, or something else.

This article provides a synopsis of the possible implications of the 10/10/10 date singularity, and of the number ten; followed by a quick metaphysics experiment.

Reference List: 101010, Mathematics, Binary, Chaos Theory, Fractals, Psychology.

Reference List: Metaphysics, Paranormal, Fate, Destiny, Random Chance, a Higher Power.

Reference List: Prediction, Predictions
 

10/10/10; Sunday, October 10, 2010: Mathematics

101010 (base two (binary)) equals 42 (base ten). Oddly enough, this is evenly divisible by the number of days in a week (7 (lucky)); and equally oddly, is also evenly divisible by the number 6 (which is generally designated as being unlucky). Both a Ying and Yang situation seem to be incorporated into this date.

10 (base ten) = 1010 (base two)

(base ten): 10 x 10 = 100

(base two): 10 x 10 = 100

The binary attributes of 101010 lends itself to use by the sciences of fractals (recursive geometric shapes) and chaos theory (the butterfly effect).
 

10/10/10; Sunday, October 10, 2010: Psychology

The number ten seems to give people that warm, fuzzy feeling:

“I won TEN thousand dollars!”

“I got TEN things done today.”

Then of course, there are the ever ubiquitous Top Ten lists. The top Top-Ten lists are (in no particular order):

Top Ten To Do, Top Ten Reasons, Top Ten Links/Websites, Top Ten Music/Songs, Top Ten Movies, Top Ten Headlines, Top Ten Jokes, Top Ten Mistakes, Late Show Top Ten, Top Ten Reviews/Lists.
 

10/10/10; Sunday, October 10, 2010: Historical

Even when taking into account the differences between the Gregorian and Julian calendars:

Nothing significant appears to have happened a thousand years ago during the year 1010.

Nothing significant appears to have happened two thousand years ago during the year 10.

The Dark Ages spanned the 5th to 15th centuries (approximately 450 -1450).


 

10/10/10; Sunday, October 10, 2010: Singularity Summary

Most predictions and opinions concerning 10/10/10 are based on or are rooted in its mathematical uniqueness as a number.

101010: There are three possible outcomes:

1. Something good happens— There is absolutely no scientific basis for this belief. There are no known logical premises for this belief. The belief that something good will happen is based solely on spiritualism, faith, and/or innate optimism. This belief is not necessarily a bad thing; we don’t know everything; the probability is not zero.

2. Nothing happens— This is the most likely scenario. Just because an unusual date number sequence occurs doesn’t mean that something will happen. Usually it’s a non-event.

3. Something bad happens— There is absolutely no scientific basis for this belief. There are no known logical premises for this belief. The belief that something bad will happen is based solely on pessimism of reality. This belief is not necessarily false; after all, things are generally/usually a mess. The probability is not zero.

.




 


Marianas Trench
blacknwhite
marleychloesmum


Good to You~Marianas Trench

Everyone's around, no words are coming now

And I can't find my breath. Can we just say the rest with no sound
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up
I know I'm not prepared; sorry is never there when you need it

 

And I do want you to know
I'll hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know
I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you

I would

 

I thought I saw a sign somewhere between the lines
But maybe it's me, maybe I only see what I want
I still have your letter, just got caught between
Someone I just invented, who I really am and who I've become

 

And I do want you to know
I'll hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know
I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you

 

 

I would

 

And I do want you to know

I'll hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know
I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you

 

I'd be good to you, I'd be good to you,
I'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you


Tags:

song lyrics...~P.O.D~Goodbye For Now
family
marleychloesmum
P.O.D-Goodbye For Now Lyrics

I can still see the light
at the end of the tunnel shine
through the dark times
even when I lose my mind

But it feels like no one
in the world is listening
and I can't ever seem
to make the right decisions

I walk around in the same haze
I'm still caught in my same ways
I'm losing time in these strange days
but somehow I always know
the right things to say

I don't know what time it is
or who’s the one to blame for this
Do I believe what I can't see
And how do you know
which way the wind blows

Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think
I know, there she goes

[Chorus]
Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now
So long

Goodbye for now (I'm not the type to say I told you so)
Goodbye for now
So long (I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

When will we sing
A new song
A new song

We’re still smilin' as the day goes by
and how come nobody
ever knows the reasons why
Bury you deep so far
you can't see

If you're like me
who wears a broken
heart on your sleeve

Pains and struggles that
you know so well
Either time don't
It can't or it just won't tell

I'm not the type to say
I told you so
I think the hardest part
of holding on is letting it go

I don't know what time it is
or who’s the one to blame for this
Do I believe what I can't see
And how do you know
which way the wind blows

Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know
there she goes

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now
So long

Goodbye for now (I'm not the type to say I told you so)
Goodbye for now
So long (I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

[Repeat]
When will we sing
A new song
A new song

And you can sing until
there's no song left (song left)
And I can scream until
the world goes deaf (goes deaf)

For every other word
left unsaid you should
have took the time to
read the sign and
see what it meant

In some ways everybody
feels alone so if the
burden is mine then
I can carry my own

If joy really comes
in the morning time
then I'm gonna sit back
and wait until the
next sunrise...(fade)

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now
So long

Goodbye for now (I'm no the type to say I told you so)
Goodbye for now
So long (I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

[Repeat 3x]
When will we sing
A new song
A new song

When will we sing (When will we sing)
A new song
A new song



this has to be, by far, one of my all-time-favorite tunes...its like 'I' could've wrote it
*smiles*


this
 
 

Tags:

...something i stumbled upon....
family
marleychloesmum

My darling. I'm waiting for you. How long is the day in the dark? Or a week? The fire is gone, and I'm horribly cold. I really should drag myself outside but then there'd be the sun. I'm afraid I waste the light on the paintings, not writing these words. We die. We die rich with lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we've entered and swum up like rivers. Fears we've hidden in - like this wretched cave. I want all this marked on my body. Where the real countries are. Not boundaries drawn on maps with the names of powerful men. I know you'll come carry me out to the Palace of Winds. That's what I've wanted: to walk in such a place with you. With friends, on an earth without maps. The lamp has gone out and I'm writing in the darkness.



dayglo abortions show at Moon over Marin
family
marleychloesmum

its another rainy and blah day...this is day 2 of non-stop rain..yesterday was even worse because i was totally hungover..
the night before Bill and i went to Moon Over Marins 1st anniversary party with 4 bands and The Dayglo Abortions! We had waaay too much fun!!!...Bill came by around 9:30pm..we had a couple beers and then caught a cab around 10:30....it was soo much fun and i laughed my head off all night long...i got a really cool hoodie and Bill got 2 hoodies and 2 toques..one for each of us!!! i have no idea who this person is...
here's bill and i...totally fried :P

and here is some guy with a pink mohawk and his girlfriend...who was totally 'down for it' but he obviously wasnt' :P
heres me and Dayglos Bass Player

and this is me and Murray  a.k.a"cretin", the lead singer..they played till around 1:30am or so and then Bill and i caught a cab back to my place...where we had a couple more beers and some 'laughing lettuce'...here's a pic of me with my cool Dayglos hoodie on..
and chloe looking on...whenever theres a  doobie burning your sure to find Chloe...the little pothead..:)
we fell asleep around 3am and slept till 10 or so..then i went with bill to granton to his place to hang out for a bit and visit with biscuit...i hadn't seen her in a long time...the poor old girl looks like shes on her very last legs...
last night was spent in bed with chloe, marley and a medium mushroom, bacon salami pizza and Sex and the City Movie on W....
i feel somewhat better today...its hard to believe i used to feel like that everyweekend..ugh! i don't know how i did it! i am so glad i don't drink like that anymore..my poor liver...
have a great sunday



Violinist in the Subway....thanks 4 this one pops!
blacknwhite
marleychloesmum

   i got this story in an email from my father, Norman, in Whitehorse...



      Violinist  in the Subway

  
   Washington,   DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007: The man with a  violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time  approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on  their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was  a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds  and then hurried to meet his  schedule.
  4  minutes later:
  The  violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the  hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.  
  6  minutes:  
  A  young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his  watch and started to walk again.  
  10  minutes:
  A  3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The  kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard  and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This  action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without  exception, forced their children to move on  quickly.
  45  minutes:
  The musician  played continuously.  Only 6 people stopped and listened for a  short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal  pace.  The man collected a total of  $32.
  1  hour:
  He  finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one  applauded, nor was there any recognition.

  No  one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua  Bell,  one  of the greatest musicians in the world.  
He played one of the most  intricate pieces ever written, with a  
violin  worth $3.5 million dollars.   Two  days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats  averaged $100.
  This  is a true story. Joshua  Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the  Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste  and people's priorities. The  question is: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour,   do  we perceive beauty? do  we stop to appreciate it? do  we recognize talent in an unexpected  context?
  One  possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be  this: If  we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians  in the world, playing  some of the finest music ever written, with  one of the most beautiful instruments ever made....   How  many other things are we missing  ? Stop  a while and breathe in the life all around you for 20 seconds that  could change your day completely.
 




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